Monday, November 24, 2014

The Alden Technique

Shipmates, there is nothing, quite nothing, quite as good to aid a person off to sleep than the gentle rocking of a small yacht at anchor, nothing. So, if there is a 'Needsmust' situation with a grandchild then the artful sailor simply simulates the gentle cadence of a sleepy anchorage. Sounds simple doesn't it, and it is, so long as you use the world famous 'Alden Technique' (Patent Pending).

The 'A. T. 5.' as its known in knowledgeable circles consists of 5 simple steps.
1 - Hold the small crew in your arms gently.
2 - Rock gently whilst singing 'The Gypsy Rover'. But be warned, you may find that the Gypsy Rover does have a tendency to come over the hill and down through the valley so shady - quite - a - few - times.
3 - After a while concentrate the singing on the chorus - Sing Ah dee doo ah dee doo dah day as many times as required - Be prepared here - On a recent rough day I sang 4567 Ah dee doo dahs before sleep intervened - Hard, heavy, holding, work (almost as hard as reefing a mains'l in the teeth of a gale.
4 - Wait for the second big sigh, this usually means the crew is moving out of NREM sleep (Non Rapid Eye Movement) and is entering some sort of theta delta wave thingie stage that leads to  REM sleep and dreaming. Babies spend 50% of their sleep in REM sleep - (adults 20%).
5 - When ready place the crew into the cot while still softly singing, rubbing the crews back if required, covering with a blanket and raising the side of the cot all in one easy motion.

So, there you have it shipmates - The good old A. T. 5. - Easy Peasy.

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