Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Crucial Test


"Never trust a man, who when left alone in a room with a tea cosy doesn't try it on."
-
Billy Connolly
-

15 comments:

Delwyn said...

Hi Alden

Are you sure its 'doesn't'...I know where Billy is coming from but hey...


Happy days

Alden Smith said...

Delwyn, yes I am sure. My old mate Billy is giving sage advice.

Men who Don't try tea cosies on, even when alone are the sort of curmudgeon anal retentives who spend their time looking at books full of photographs of very enthusiastic people posing in front of grain silos.

Men who Do try on tea cosies are the imaginative sort who read books titled "Magic Potions To Turn Your Mother-in-law Into A One Ton Gold Ingot" and "High Stars And Mermaids, A Circumnavigators Guide"

I rest my case.

Delwyn said...

Grain silos?

have I missed something?

Alden Smith said...

Yes you are right, life is about free choice which also includes the choice to comment on other peoples choices.

Janice said...

So, how did it look? Pictures to follow?

Alden Smith said...

Well Janice, funny you should ask because I do indeed have a very recent photograph of Moi wearing my sisters tea cosy - she is going to email the photo to me; by which time everyone will have completely forgotten about all this thank you God.

Janice said...

I, on the other hand, will not forget, and I insist that you post the picture! How could you deny the world such a delightful image?

Alden Smith said...

Well Janice, you did suggest that I be smeared in honey and have rashers of bacon plastered all over me so you could attract those bears, so that you could shoot them with a bow and arrow (remember your Facebook comment) and remember that I agreed to do that so long as it was videoed and shown on Utube for the sole reason that I am an invertebrate show off, so I guess, all things considered we ARE dealing with images here (and perhaps fetishes on your part? - say no more Janice your secret is safe with me - so maybe when the image arrives through the ether I will do a post on it.

Now let me actually diverge here (thinking for a moment of your alleged fetishes) for a moment (and I do so knowing that I have in fact consumed three glasses of cheap plonk) and let me tell you about a fetish that comes to mind that I saw in a TV program many years ago.
A man (I think he was a priest) would hire a local prostitute to visit him. He would lie inside a coffin that he had always set up in his living room and the prostitute would roll hard boiled eggs at him down a little ramp that he had made - I have no idea what this was all about. I don't remember whether the eggs were cracked for easy peeling when they hit the coffin or not, but from time to time over the decades I have thought that maybe that scene is a metaphor for much of the inanity of life and the inextricably interwoven, convoluted fucked logic of life. What do you think?

Which of course reminds me of something else to do with drinking three large glasses of cheap plonk.

Lady Astor (I think it was her) said in the House of Commons to Winston Churchill, "Mr Churchill you are drunk" to which Winston C replied. " And you, lady Astor are ugly, but in the morning I.... shall be sober"

Oh dear, what a rant. :-)

Janice said...

You know, I might just let the bear have you, unless, of course, you wear the tea cosy for the video.

Alden Smith said...

Janice I have scared myself witless with far too many bear attack videos on Utube so a tea cosy it definitely is.

Delwyn said...

I mentioned the grain silo reference to a friend and she thought it was definitely a Freudian thing.


Happy days

Alden said...

Delwyn, your friend is probably correct. It may well be a Freudian thing - Compensatory Grain Silo syndrome they call it. Red sports cars, trains and tunnels have a similiar effect.
Of course not everyone holds with Freud - A Jungian might see the grain silo as an Archetypal symbol for a total lack of imagination.

VenDr said...

There's something Freudian about a tea cosy if you ask me. Warm, slightly woolly, tight place you want to climb headfirst into? Come on,how obvious can it get?

Alden Smith said...

Hmmmm, Kelvin, I think your comments indicate a bit of Freudian personal fantasy projection going on here - A tea cosy is of course Jungian, a sort of three dimensional Mandala, the symbol of wholeness. Give me a man with a tea cosy on his head and I will show you a potentially individuated individual - Give me a man without a tea cosy on his head and I will show you a man who is either bald, has a cold head or refuses point blank to bend to the will of my world view.

Alden Smith said...

And I also now know what you want Santa to bring you for Christmas.